***\\\Come on 2010///****

WOOO HOOO 2010 is on it's way and this is another year for another mile stone. I accomplished much to be proud on in 2009. I completed my first sprint Triathlon, worked out regularly and started a new job as a clinical manager of a new facility here in central Texas. Somethings i have gotten better at and others i struggle with daily. I have tons of support and i need to tap into them this coming year. My Goals for this year include: 1. The Danskin in less them 2 hours. 2. 1/2 marathon 3. More steady weight loss 4. Being more aware of mine and my families carbon foot print. All these are attainable and achievable. I here by set my goals.. :)

Work has taken over for the last two months

I have been working my ass off at work. Getting the unit and the staff up to being independent. It is so true about finding people you can trust to run your unit. I have two day shift charge nurses that kick ass and one who needs help. I get tired and loose patience with them easily. Then i feel guilty. I just want to scream.. take a breath it is going to be alright it isn't a car accident. But we did have a hypothermia and a IABP!! I had to work Tuesday night. My goal for the unit is to work on competencies and get everyone up to where they can handle what comes in the door with out me being there. I caught up on paper work and have my audits on track. I have been eating like shit - not packing my lunch or eating crap when i buy it. Typical out of control activities that i get caught up in then get on the cyclic self pity bus. I need to sit down and create goals for the next 6 months. I want to do the Danskin agian and I want a better time. The rest of November is Diet and good eating habits. I want to be able to head to the gym at least three times a week for the rest of the month. The stress of working 5 days a week, with a 1st grader, toddler, husband, house, cooking, meeting everyone's expectations and all that jazz has made my goals fall behind. Tonight a friend of mine is competing in a body building event after training so freaking hard and watching everything she eats. I am happy for her.

what a furious month

I's stuck in a rut again. Making bad choices and not exercising. I am stuck in the wheel on self hate. I need help to get out. I need therapy. I think i am cyclic. It always happens around this time. When i look back at the year and forget what i wanted to accomplish and what i did and focus on what i didn't do. I can't walk past a mirror without self disgust, self hate and self despise. How did i become this? Who is responsible? Why me and not her? I need to look inside for my inner strength and peace again. i have to find it soon. I am gonna crash.

new me in the new year

It is going to be a year that I made my mind up to be a better me. There are easier days then others. i have been admiring a friend of mine lose weight for the last year. She is down 70 lbs and still plans to loose more. She looks fabulous and so tiny. Something i know i am deep down underneath all i carry. My new job has been a great learning experience. I have notice changes in myself and towards others. I have nervous energy and i find myself snacking and binging at times. I hate the way i feel after i do that. But during it i feel nothing. It 's the weirdest thing. I need to set a plan and a goal. I am going to look at achievement by CHristmas time. I am feeling strong about it. Now putting the plan down on paper. I also want to do the Danskin again in June. I am hoping i can be at around 2 hrs.

Where has the summer gone?

Okay I have been working management for 2 months now and i think i am holding my own. I have made head way in certain aspects and still swiming in circles on others. The kids went to NY for two weeks to see my family. They got back tonight.The only big thing i got done was going through there clothes. It felt really good to purge clothes though. 5 weeks until the opening. things are starting to fall into place and we are moving ahead. The hospital is gorgeous. I feel honored that they are giving me a chance like this. I am trying very hard to prove my worth.

T minus 76 days

All hell is breaking loose and tensions are hi as we get ready to open a new hospital. Me I just want to do a good job. Nervous and excited and unable to wait. I am scared i might have pissed some people off. Imagine that. I need to step back and look at what i am asking. In my mind i think i am right. But i might not be in someone else specifically the ones in charge.. I need to have some sort of serenity prayer for anxiety. I just don't get it. I so don't want to screw up and i do.

Busy with a Capital B!!

I can't believe how much time has passed since the DANSKIN. I am still taking it easy on my damn foot. Every time i try to do something it acts up. It is ridiculous. Then my dad came into town and that threw everything for a loop. Did i mention the new job? It has been very exciting to say the least. But over whelming. Over whelming part is the fact that all my new money is going towards child care and day care. I am broke. It is ridiculous. Then to top things off- my husband is still waiting on money. It is overwhelming i could cry. I just don't understand it. I am frustrated beyond control. I don't know what to do. I could just crawl up and die. How can anyone feel romantic when crap like this happens? How can anyone feel good about themselves? How does anyone ever succeed? I am starting to think it isn't possible.....