What's been going on....

Being that last week was spring break, i planned on taking off to spend time with the family down at the coast. We know how that went.. it didn't. But i completely forgot that i scheduled myself to work a shift on Friday. OMG!! what a day. It was crazy busy in the unit. We were running non stop the entire day. There was even a surgery at the bedside, exploratory lap. It was just nuts. It was so busy that i only peed once the entire day..No time to drink and no time to pee. The rest of the weekend was very steady. The 'A' unit is heavy. Everybody is vented and sick. There was a younger, in her late 50's with breast cancer. she got chemo and the chemo knocked out here heart. Now she has a weak heart. She was on medicine to help all that but the medicine only went so far. I went in her room on Friday and i thought... GOSH.. my mom. It was hard and it hurt to be there. But i got to make her comfortable. I got to do something for her. I made a difference to her at that particular moment. I made a difference in her life. On Saturday we admitted an older women in her late 60's and she too had breast cancer. She had extensive mets, everywhere. There wasn't anywhere that didn't have something. THe chemo and radiation she was getting gave her gastritis and she was stooling blood. In both of these cases i never had the balls to ask what chemo. I know it is the one my mom is going to get.. i don't want her to suffer. It is so heart retching. I can't even think it through. When i think about it, it hurts tooooo much. My mom went to the radiologist. THe radiologist seems to think the tumor on her spine is the one that is touch and nerve and that is where the pain is coming from. One week of specific location chemo. She may even be able to get her chemo at the same time because it is so short and such a tiny area. She met with the social worker and she bragged to me the conversation that she had with her. I know she plays tough on the outside, but deep down she is like me and is hurting and scared. She pushed it down so she doesn't have to deal with it. I have to be careful not to internalize it. I am glad i started to workout again to help with that. it is good for me. Tomorrow evening, i am going up to REI in North Austin to go to a pre triathalon meeting. I am very excited for the meeting. I am also scared at the same time. Am I going to be the fattest person there? I don't know. I will have to go and find out won't i? I am my own worse enemy. My husband even says so. I don't know how it ended up like this, but i am.