Hot Dog and French Fry

French Fry eating off of his dad's plate.. . Hot Dog is spent after a long day.. he has to wake up at 510am... poor kiddo..

Better Day and a New Jersey

Over all a much better day, even if i had to spend time on the computer working on the schedule for work. My husband called me and asked me to do and errand for him. So i took a ride up to North Austin. It was a gorgeous day. When i got home I went to pick up the mail and there was a package.. FOR ME!! In side was my Danskin Triathlon Bike jersey. It was awesome to see. It is really cool and the best part. It fits me.. I took a picture and sent it to my husband. He was happy for me too. I love him. After working on the schedule all day, i decided i would go to spin class. As it turns out the instructor was late. He locked the keys in the car. There was a regular there who did some sprints for a good 35 minutes with us. The Mike showed up and we did some hills. I got in a decent work out. It felt good. My husband called me on the way home. He asked me what was for dinner. I told him what my plans where. He wanted to go out. Who was I to say no. What i should have said no to was the cheese fries that landed in front of me. I ate, and ate, and ate. I was full. Good thing i ordered a salad. I was stuffed. I couldn't finish it. During dinner the kids were goofing off with us, as usual and i decided they needed red neck nick names. So nick is French Fry- cause he is always asking "french fry- pleeeezzze mommy" and Massimo is hot dog. My perfect lunch. Hot dog and french fry. I took some pics at the table of us laughing. I will add them soon.

One Donut, equals 3 more...

I took the BodyBugg off for two days.. I had a horrible weekend at work. We were very busy and it was non stop stress. A family member was trying to be nice and bought in Dunkin Donuts. It was actually fun. On the way into work, i was actually thinking to myself.. I remember when i was younger how my parents would go to the local bakery and pick up Danishes, donuts, and crumb cake for breakfast. I remember eating them and the white box would sit on the counter and we would sneak and eat all day long. With that in my mind.. i saw the dounuts.. i walked by several times. I made it past several times...then i opened the box.. and saw my favorite.... Chocolate covered with colored sprinkles.. OMG it called me. I took it and tried the first bite. It was sooo good. It was how it remembered it. i walked away the guilt already setting in and someone seeing me eat it. I was feeling horrible. After an hour, i went back this time when i opened the box it was the chocolate covered donut with chocolate icing and colored sprinkles. I took it and walked away.. i knew i shouldn't but i did. It was horrible. I think it was less then 5 minutes later i was back and i grabbed a donut with white icing and colored sprinkles.. Can you see the obsession? I felt horrible after each one and i couldn't stop it was crazy. It was a bad weekend. I was not feeling it too. I was on a huge bender. I hoped Monday it will be a better day. I have to put the day behind me. Now that i see it on the screen- WOW what a day. So, yesterday I went to a spin class and did it. Today i swam for 800 y without stopping. I am now charging my BodyBugg and ready to face tomorrow with honest ..

guillty... eating all the time. and i can't stop...

I am very frustrated the way the last few days have been going. I took my BodyBugg off and i think i may be taking my frustration with myself out on others. I came to realize with or without the BodyBugg, i can no longer enjoy food without guilty. I can not eat anything without feeling guilty.. what gives? Is this a normal response to food? Does everyone feel this way or is it related to insecurity? I don't understand how i came to realize this. But i think i punish myself for enjoying something.. it makes no sense..

Plan for My UGLY Vein..

Okay, went back to VeinSolutions to have my right leg looked at again. It has been hurting more at night and the swelling, not to mention the look of it is starting to scare me. The plan, after my insurance agrees is to have it, is basically ablated by radio frequency. VNUS Closure is the name of the procedure. It is a simple invasive procedure. there will be some bruising and some soreness afterwards. I should be able to return to work fairly quickly. Dr. Dilling tells me there will be no more vein to see on the top part of my leg. I am very excited. I can't wait. I wish i could have gotten it done before the DANSKIN, but it will be the Monday after- i am hoping. I am going to take pictures before and after. I link to the web site up top. Also, Dr. Dilling is a CardioVascular trained Surgeon, who better to work on your vasculature then a true cardiovascular surgeon. www.veinsolutions.com/en/Locations/Austin/Default.aspx

I went to an information session last night for the Danskin. It was really good. I got sappy watching the movie and got nervous listening to the information about the course. It is going to HARD, very HARD. At this point i want to finish it. I started to jog on the tread mill. Today i did almost 20 minutes. That i better then nothing. I am taking small steps towards big goals. Slowly but surely i am going to be who i am on the inside... i will shine in my own way.

What's been going on....

Being that last week was spring break, i planned on taking off to spend time with the family down at the coast. We know how that went.. it didn't. But i completely forgot that i scheduled myself to work a shift on Friday. OMG!! what a day. It was crazy busy in the unit. We were running non stop the entire day. There was even a surgery at the bedside, exploratory lap. It was just nuts. It was so busy that i only peed once the entire day..No time to drink and no time to pee. The rest of the weekend was very steady. The 'A' unit is heavy. Everybody is vented and sick. There was a younger, in her late 50's with breast cancer. she got chemo and the chemo knocked out here heart. Now she has a weak heart. She was on medicine to help all that but the medicine only went so far. I went in her room on Friday and i thought... GOSH.. my mom. It was hard and it hurt to be there. But i got to make her comfortable. I got to do something for her. I made a difference to her at that particular moment. I made a difference in her life. On Saturday we admitted an older women in her late 60's and she too had breast cancer. She had extensive mets, everywhere. There wasn't anywhere that didn't have something. THe chemo and radiation she was getting gave her gastritis and she was stooling blood. In both of these cases i never had the balls to ask what chemo. I know it is the one my mom is going to get.. i don't want her to suffer. It is so heart retching. I can't even think it through. When i think about it, it hurts tooooo much. My mom went to the radiologist. THe radiologist seems to think the tumor on her spine is the one that is touch and nerve and that is where the pain is coming from. One week of specific location chemo. She may even be able to get her chemo at the same time because it is so short and such a tiny area. She met with the social worker and she bragged to me the conversation that she had with her. I know she plays tough on the outside, but deep down she is like me and is hurting and scared. She pushed it down so she doesn't have to deal with it. I have to be careful not to internalize it. I am glad i started to workout again to help with that. it is good for me. Tomorrow evening, i am going up to REI in North Austin to go to a pre triathalon meeting. I am very excited for the meeting. I am also scared at the same time. Am I going to be the fattest person there? I don't know. I will have to go and find out won't i? I am my own worse enemy. My husband even says so. I don't know how it ended up like this, but i am.