Oh if today was a day to quit!!! I should have turned and walked away while i had the chance to. I busted my ass helping the unit and what i get in return- SURVEY RESULTS THAT SUCK. of course i took it to heart. I feel sick to my stomach. More frustrated then ever. And not wanting to go back. I have had enough of everything right now. I need a serious break from these people that just drain me. The ones that complain non stop, the ones that whine about everything, claim the do everything and do nothing.
It was embarrassing today to care for a patient after a nurse i hired. A nurse i gave a chance to. Every chance i give him, he throw a ball of disappointment right back in my face. Week in and week out. I am frustrated beyond belief.
I am frustrated with everything i have still to do and nothing i can get done. It is getting harder and harder. Don't know if i have it in me to do this anymore.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
NDQI survey-- got my results back
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
yeeowwza what a horrible last 24 hours.
Monday i was spent after a long weekend of working out long and hard in the gym Back to back spin classes followed by some weight training. I was exhausted. Tuesday, i headed downtown, got a coffee and started to get nauseated. I thought it was the coffee on an empty stomach. As the day went on and i answered emails at lunch, my stomach was getting worse by the minute. I ended up walking out of the class 4 times to throw up and sit on the pot. It was nuts. I came home crawled in to bed and froze my ass off with PJ's, fleece and socks on. I took a zofran and my stomach stopped flipping but the spout on the bottom end was still open. This morning i took another zofran, still feeling weak, i stayed home. I went to Sam's club to pick up some stuff came home and sat in front of the computer. I still feel like i got hit by a truck. I am exhausted. Next week, i am going to sit down and decide my plan for my half marathon and sprint tri this summer.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The last month
It has been absolutely surreal in some aspects. I think of my mom everyday. I miss her. I haven't cried that much. I had a moment when I was shopping wanted to ask her something and she wasn't there. I started to think about all the things I forgot to ask and tell her. I am still waiting for a sign. The funeral was good. Opened up another can of worms when I went home. So weird to be in the house without her there. Sad part her ashes are there while everyone is everywhere else. Christmas is going to be a challenge I know. I am just keeping focused and busy. We joined a different gym. Feeling disloyal to the YMCA but I need the next level. Looking forward to the new year.
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Down and around Austin with my Brother today...
Friday, October 15, 2010
Good Bye Mom, I will miss you and think of you often
I love you mom and miss you so much.
Friday, August 27, 2010
Another huge milestone on my path back to me!!
DOWN to Gruene and back. by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Texas Mamma Jamma
Texas Mamma Jamma Sept 25th, 2010
Oh it's on again. This time raising money for Breast cancer. The Mamma Jamma ride is for those that suffer with breast cancer. I haven't decided what to ride, the 70 mile or the 100 miler. Either way it's an amount that will make me give it my all for those that are giving it thier all.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Stress is on..
Monday, July 26, 2010
Sunday 50 miler to New Braunfels by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details
Sunday 50 miler to New Braunfels by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details here is my first 50 miler in over 25 years.. love the stats and i felt awesome. tired but that's to be expected.
where the heck have i been... why out riding of course!
So my recovery went splendidly if that is a word. I love my results. I am probably the only women in history that didn't want to hear-"they will be fuller and more round!" I was truly loving the flat look. After 6 weeks of wearing a sports bra i finally got the okay to go get the real bra's. I called my husband and told him i was going to go to Victoria Secret and by bras that weekend. He was like go for it. I my head all i can think about was color and patterns. The thought did cross my mind what if the plan went down and i didn't have my parachute bra? But as friday rolled around and the anticipation started to build i called my husband and said. hey let me take you to dinner i wanna go to Nordstroms for bra's. I figured i'd go, since i saw this special once on oprah about the way they fit their customers. So in went.. and met Anna the clerk. Anna sized me up. I was D cup, but so small in my mind and if i went up a size it was a c cup. Hell i can live with that... heck it's like a B cup to me. I found so many bra's i couldn't stop myself and i didn't $618.45 i walked out with 10 bra's and matching undies Life was really good. colors, patterns you name it. Awesome!!
Now what have i been doing? Mile stone's on the bike that's what. My average now is 15.5 mph. up from the 11 i think when i started. I am also doing an average of 50 miles a week mostly more. Last week i clocked 100 miles in for the week. Bought a top with a built in bra and it fits... whoohooo
Thinking about another sprint tri in october.. i have to get in the water. what to do what to do...
Thursday, June 10, 2010
POST Op Weekend
I went back for my follow up and I am allowed to wear my favorite bra i wore when my chest was larger. It was a bra i wore only in the house, but it was very comfortable. My nipple very sensitive on the right. The left is numb. I don't know if that is going to come back in the scheme of things the other side is making up for it as it's super sensitive. :0
We ended up at the bike shop and ran into the CNRA who did my case. I was going stir crazy already. I wanted to do something but i was told i had to wait..
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Post op Day 1
I already fell like a million bucks. They look flat, but my doc stated that there were going to be more rounding and the transition can take months or even a year. I feel like a ton has been lifted off my chest. 1200grams on the left and 1100 grams on the right. I stayed over night, was in surgery for about 5 hours. Meds are really good.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Good Bye Girls...
Today i am going in for my surgery. I am nervous but i have had enough of my large breast. There is absolutely nothing attractive about them. I hate that it's the first thing anyone sees when they meet me for the first time. The pain i have in my neck and shoulders is ridiculous. I want to stand up straight. My bras are ugly not to mention tortuous. The itching under my breast wakes me up out of sleep the majority of nights.
So, my husband might be sad, but understands my limitations. I am so excited.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Danskin 2010
An like that with blink of an eye and sweat dripping down my body it's over and you know what I'd do it again in a heart beat. My time improved by 10 minutes.. Huge success for me.
| Bib | FName | City | State | Div | Age | Sex | ClockTime | Overall | DivPl | |||||||
| 711 | FRANCESCA | KYLE | TX | 35-39 | 39 | F | 02:08:41 | 1103 | 172 |
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Morning wog for me a jog by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details
Morning wog for me a jog by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details
This is one of my favorite blogs to read.
I found this blog by complete accident, while i was researching the Garmin 310XT. Reading his blog was the finally piece i needed to decide on what i was going to do. I enjoy reading his bog. He is a really good writer and very informative. I envy the amount of time he has to train. I am curious to see when he and the girl are going to get engaged... hint, hint...
Thanks for your inspiration, sorry about your recent accident- keep the writing coming as a newbie to the sport- it is so helpful and non intimidating.
thanks.
http://www.dcrainmaker.com/2010/06/withings-wifi-scale-giveaway.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+DcRainmaker+%28DC+Rainmaker%29
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day weekend
But in the front of my mind i am thinking about a great weekend. My younger son and I were at home doing stuff around the house while my older son and husband went fishing. My oldest son caught a 30 inch red fish amongst others and they were all keepers. My husband reported maxing out in 2 hours of hitting the pier. It was a really good weekend for the two of them.
They came back on Sunday and Monday we spent at our neighbor's house. We hung out laughed a little and swam in their pool. My little son, started the day jumping cautiously into my arms in the pools with his life jacket on. Soon he was telling me to move over, some how he started doggie paddling while he was heading towards the steps. Not much later about 5 minutes he was doggie paddling around the pool like a fool. So little guys started swimming like that.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
2010 Tour De Cure
Yep!! Yet another accomplishment. I completed a Tour De Cure. Day I- 32 miles and Day II 25 miles. I completed the first day strong. We rode from Retama Park headed east over the highway looped around and came back. I felt great and I was excited. Intially, i was mad i chose the shorter distance, but glad i did as i still have to do the Danskin. But, felt like i completed it strong and had plenty of reserve. I managed only one karbunkle and had to switch my watch to Bike from Run mode. The second day was from San Marcos (Texas State University) to Akin High School in Austin. The ride was majority on rodes Kerman and i normally ride on. In fact, we found a new road that we can ride. It's gonna be awesome.The second karbunkle was my watch not downloading the info from the ride. I don't know if the low battery had anything to do with it.
When we finally came home we decided to sign up and go for the Tour of Roses, even if i have the surgery I should be okay as the ride is in November.
So all in all a GREAT WEEKEND. Lots accomplished and confidence is very high..
Monday, May 17, 2010
Weird week
This week was the weirdest week. I was stuck in a funk for the majority of it. Visions of my mom, work, family just adding to the funk of it all. Saddness engulfed me from the get go and i cried last night. I also had a fight with my sister and i hung up the phone on her. I just couldn't sit there and let her talk to me like she was. I don't trust you, that's why i don't tell you anything. She kept saying it over and over. I finally had to hang up. The pathetic part now is i can't call my mom, because she is always there. Stuck between a rock and a hard place. Feeling heavy on the inside.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Where am i at
Well much is in the process of changing at work. My director who i abolutely adore and admire and has taught me so much is leaving- for good reasons. I nearly had a coronary. This boss totally gets me. he appreciates my knowledge and contribution at work at the same time respects my work life balance. This is huge to me. I am a wife, a mother, a sister, a person, a friend. All these things support me and make me the best i can be. I really wanted my CNo to know I wanted to be part of the decision making tree for the person who is coming in. I met with my CNO let he know about the surgery that was scheduled for June( good by ta-ta's) and how i wanted to really be part of the choosing process. She agreed with me. I was so happy. And the fact that she assured me that cough, cough would never get the job only reaffirmed my respect for the people i work for. I really wish i had more experiience under my belt. I would love to apply for this position, but i really don't know my ass from my elbow on finance stuff and at times i don't want to bring people down. My CNO did say had it been 9 months down the line- i would be ready- but he fact of the matter- its out there and i know ultimately i am who they want for this job. Makes me feel good.. really good.
BTW during it she says.. "Francesca i want you to compete in the half Iron man in Austin in Oct... " you know what depending on how my surgery goes.. i just might... i just might.. can you imagine.. half iron man- holy shit..
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Sunday Am ride with Kerman to San Marcos by cheska732 at Garmin Connect - Details
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Monday, April 26, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
What a week..
This week was the weirdest week of emotions. Coming to terms with the fact that my mother's cancer has spread to her brain. She has been in the hospital for a week. Gone to many test and CT's to see what's what. They are planning to do palliative radiation for her mets in her brain. I found out today that all her other spots where unchanged. So the chemo did put some hold on some of the spots. The heme/onc radiologist is still checking all old total body scans to see if the mets were there early on. After a long conversation with my mom, i am not going home. She and i talked and i asked her what did she want, and she said if she has to have hospice she wants to come to Texas. And she wants my dad to sell the house. I pray he sells it... it's gonna be the death of him financially if he doesn't. Plus the selfish me want them here in Texas. the weather is so much better.. yah know.. Monday night after crying and twisting a turning, i ended up with on hell of a stiff neck. it was locked up regardless of the meds i took, heat or ice i kept on it. As i sit here and type this i can say its still tight. I tried to get an appt at the message therapist and she was booked all weekend through Monday. I was hoping for Tuesday, but she needs to get an adjustment. I guess she'll be in good form for me Wednesday. Tues, Wed, Thursday and Friday i just could not get out of bed. I eat everything in site.. i thought i was eating out of nerves or pity, turned out it wasn't it was just PMS. That made me feel a little better and to know i won't have my period for the Danskin. :) The little things that make women happy. Yesterday i clean.. and you'd never know looking at this house. But i did. But today.. My hubby and I went for a bike ride. almost 18 miles. It was great. The wind on the way back was brutal. But we made it. We came home and we took the boys down to San Marcos and canoed down the San Marcos River and drifted back. It was great. We borrowed a canoe, so size wise it was a tight fit, but it was fun. A GREAT weekend day in Central Texas!!!
Monday, April 19, 2010
What a shitty Monday.. no really it is
The day started off very productive as the day went on there was a feeling in the air that something wasn't right. People at work looked tired and stressed. Everyone was talking noone was really saying anything or listening. On my way to pick up my son to take him to speech therapy. SOmething said to call my mom. I've been checking up on her the last few days because she hasn't been feeling well. Noone answered and i finally got my sister who was in the back yard. My sister said she was going to check her temp because she said she felt chilly. I told her to go ahead. About 30 minutes later i got a call from my sister that said my mom was not making any sense and was talking jibberish. I told her to hang up and call 911. She got my dad instead and they called me back. i told them the same thing and they wanted to call the doctor. i guess the doctor told them to take her to the ED they did. Her WBC's were fine and her labs looked good. They were suspecting a UTI, but since she was confused and had some tingling they did a CT scan- lo and behold- a new tumor! My day just got really bad now. I know what tumors are, i know what they mean. I know what my mom wants and i know what she doesn't want. I hope my family that is with her make the choices that she wants. The Neuro surgeon was coming to consult on her. I have a bad feeling about the surgery and all the risks that can go along with it. TO top it all off, my fear of not being able to get home when i needed to most is almost happening too. MONEY, MONEY, MONEY... i know my mom would want to see my son, he's in school, he needs to be in school. The cost of tickets to go up for a quick trip and turn around and come back= ridiculous. I am thinking about taking out a loan from my 403B. Keeping some money aside. I am going to look in to that now. The kicker.. out of 9 kids. my mom hated her mom the most. for reasons she made very obvious to us growing up. now in eternity she gets to spend the most time with her? funny how life works huh? My prayer for my Mother is no pain, peaceful death with dignity.. and the hope that my son can handle it too.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Hay Mom I saw you running.... who would have thought
A year and half ago, when i started this whole life style change who would have thought my son would say something like that to me.. Not me, not in a million years. Hearing that only reaffirms i am doing right. I am showing my children how to live healthier. I am showing them about health and fitness and moderation, making good choices and self worth. I have been running more and more and feeling fantastic. I will start posting some of my work out. Tomorrow is Sunday and that means and BIKE RIDE... woooo hooo...
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Easter Weekend in Port Aransas
What a great weekend in Port A- even managed to get in two runs.. yes i said runs. Okay i started walking, but i ended up running 2 miles! more then half of the over all distance. I need to get into the pool this week. I haven't been in the pool in a LONNNNG time. My plans are to talk the cardio to the road and got to the pool at least twice a week. I weighed myself last week before we left for the trip and my weight was down.. WOOP. i bought a new bathing suit.. now to see what will happen with the breast reduction.. dommm dee dommm dommm doomm.
This is a picture of Kerman's ROlls ROyce. I didn't initially appreciate what he paid for it.. but boy was it convenient... i didn't carry a thing.. i swear...
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
This past weekend
Friday, March 26, 2010
nothing like self sabatoge..
i ate like complete shit for an entire week.. Why do i sabotage myself? I am so sorry from the Kettle ball work out- still. Going to try and stay on target this weekend. Plan is the gym or a walk or ride after i get all the house cleaned and laundry started. I have so much to do.. i really need a maid, and cook and an nanny... the list goes on. But i will forget it for a new garmin 310 xt... Santa where are you?
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Tour De Cure
Riding to help raise awareness and funds for Diabetes and a cre in the Tour de Cure here in Central Texas. Riding May 22nd and 23rd... http://main.diabetes.org/site/TR/TourdeCure/TDC445118030?px=5726006&pg=personal&fr_id=6888&et=rA5dLNlWZYumi_UVzZGtHA..&s_tafId=6888
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Everyone needs a massage.. once in awhile
Today i took myself to Nancy Deu Pree for a glorious 90 minute massage. It was wonderful. She also did some sinus draining hokey pokey that i wasn't too sure about. But i am happy to say my nose is running like a race horse. I am jones-en for a nap like you can't believe. I managed to clean and get laundry started, but i am exhausted. I am praying this sinus allergy, no voice thing clears up and doesn't end up pneumonia again. My cough tasted horrible. Never a good sign. It always happens when i work myself silly. On another note what started out as a hellishness week- actually was pretty good. My numbers are down in the unit but that is because we have 2 one to ones. It is crazy. Gave one lady over a 100 units of blood- still alive but who knows for how long. I pray for the family to find peace in all this and they can come to a happy decision. It's not easy for anyone including staffing. Moral distress is real and ICU nurses deal with it everyday we work.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
amongst other things
So the economy tanking officially hit Central Texas and the large health care corporation i work for. Striving to maintain the mission and stay afloat has lead us to become another statistic in the world economic collapse of the millennium. I am extremely nervous about what's to come and how we have to get there. More then half our patients in any given day do not have insurance. The bill these people generate are enormous. Most people do not go to the doctor anymore- they land in an ED sicker then snot on deaths doorstep- without insurance. ICU nursing has change much in the last 10 years. I use to take care of patients after surgeries. heart surgery, big cancer surgeries, taking care of a medical patient was rare and almost always it was a septic cancer patient. Now since people have stopped going to the doctors the fix surgeries aren't happening and the patients are in because they are ill. I am worried about the mission and the patients we need to help who don't get to help in time. I hope the government looks at helping everyone maintaining healthy lifestyle-getting ride of things that create problems such as type II diabetes.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
for the love of it all
Productive week. I am finding that by the time the weekend hit's i'm exhausted. I spent the entire morning cleaning and doing laundry- it's still running and not done. The kids got hungry as soon as i was ready to take a shower So it back to the kitchen to make lunch. then it's clean up lunch, clean up the living room and time to pick up Kerman. By the time i come home i was ready to crash- but i had more laundry to do.. i was like is it ever gonna end...
Monday, February 15, 2010
Nurses acquited for blowing the whitsle on a USELESS Doc.
So, last year late in the summer two nurses were fed up with the shit a doctor was doing. Practicing medicine and creative medicine along with selling pyramid type supplements to his patients in the ED. The nurse turned him in anonymously so he complains to the sheriff ( who he happens to play golf with and sell his supplements too) and the sheriff does some investigating and they arrest they identify and arrest the two nurses who blew the whistle. So months of not working and legal fees out the wahzoo, the jury acquitted the two nurses! Jurors said afterwards you could see where this was going and it was obvious before long. I am happy that small town politics didn't prevail. I am happy that nurses spoke up. If this had gone the other way BOY OH BOY where would medicine be today??
Saturday, February 13, 2010
oh yah...
Went ahead and entered to do the Danskin again. My goal this year is to go at 2 hours. It should be able to do it as long as i stay focused and get my grove on. The last two days have been good. SORE but good. I put the receipt at my desk at work to look at it and remind me to take a breath. And remember what my goals are. Yah, I am a manager and i have goal for me and my unit. But to be honest. I have more personal goals. I think of myself as glorified babysitter of sorts. I watch everyone, make sure they don't get hurt, tell them what they do wrong and turn in my paper work. Oh yah, turn in the receipts for lunch. Don't know if that makes me a good manager or if my skill set makes me a good manager or better yet my selective honesty? I wonder?? I still think of my self as nurse, thankful i don't always have to be a the bedside, but not afraid to jump in. Does that make me a bad nurse now? I an going to set my goals and priorities for the next few months on paper. oh yah and here too.
April 24 5K
May- Bike ride for DM- 25 miles
June 6th... DANSKIN:0
Oct 1/2 marathon..
This was a picture from last year at the start of the DANSKIN- watching the sun come up over the lake...gorgeous huh?
Gonna go for another 30 lbs in the process... wish me luck. This was me last year with my oldest son. 
Sunday, January 17, 2010
OH sunday...
What a busy month December was. So much happened. The month started off with a visit from my folks for the holiday. My mom's cancer is still in her bones, but recently got report that is hasn't spread. She is going to start another round of chemo. I wanted to bad to sit and talk to her. But it was difficult for me to do. I guess i am still not okay with the fact that my mother has stage IV breast cancer and she is not going to be here for me. At one point in her visit she thought she broke more ribs emptying out a pot of pasta. I took her to the hospital and listened as the ED doc said he wanted to do a CT. I thought to myself.. What am i going to do if they find a soft tissue spot? Luckily they didn't and she has shingles again. they started her on more anti virals and in a matter of days the pain was improved. The holidays were fun. The kids had a great time. My dad stayed to help us with the kids while my husband had his surgery. He has been pretty much out commish for a week. On crutches and needs help all the time. I don't mind but worry if he will be himself again. I am scared. Me- work is crazy busy. I tried to eat right tried to exercise and i have to say eating right is better, exercising hasn't happend. I still want to do the DANSKIN. I am hoping to start training again really soon.
