What's been going on....

Being that last week was spring break, i planned on taking off to spend time with the family down at the coast. We know how that went.. it didn't. But i completely forgot that i scheduled myself to work a shift on Friday. OMG!! what a day. It was crazy busy in the unit. We were running non stop the entire day. There was even a surgery at the bedside, exploratory lap. It was just nuts. It was so busy that i only peed once the entire day..No time to drink and no time to pee. The rest of the weekend was very steady. The 'A' unit is heavy. Everybody is vented and sick. There was a younger, in her late 50's with breast cancer. she got chemo and the chemo knocked out here heart. Now she has a weak heart. She was on medicine to help all that but the medicine only went so far. I went in her room on Friday and i thought... GOSH.. my mom. It was hard and it hurt to be there. But i got to make her comfortable. I got to do something for her. I made a difference to her at that particular moment. I made a difference in her life. On Saturday we admitted an older women in her late 60's and she too had breast cancer. She had extensive mets, everywhere. There wasn't anywhere that didn't have something. THe chemo and radiation she was getting gave her gastritis and she was stooling blood. In both of these cases i never had the balls to ask what chemo. I know it is the one my mom is going to get.. i don't want her to suffer. It is so heart retching. I can't even think it through. When i think about it, it hurts tooooo much. My mom went to the radiologist. THe radiologist seems to think the tumor on her spine is the one that is touch and nerve and that is where the pain is coming from. One week of specific location chemo. She may even be able to get her chemo at the same time because it is so short and such a tiny area. She met with the social worker and she bragged to me the conversation that she had with her. I know she plays tough on the outside, but deep down she is like me and is hurting and scared. She pushed it down so she doesn't have to deal with it. I have to be careful not to internalize it. I am glad i started to workout again to help with that. it is good for me. Tomorrow evening, i am going up to REI in North Austin to go to a pre triathalon meeting. I am very excited for the meeting. I am also scared at the same time. Am I going to be the fattest person there? I don't know. I will have to go and find out won't i? I am my own worse enemy. My husband even says so. I don't know how it ended up like this, but i am.

Getting Back to Our Normal

School has started backup, dropped my dad off at the airport, and lucky me i get to work tonight. I am excited, I haven't been to work in 7 days. Time to go make a difference in someones life. Or at least try to. Next week is one of the first meetings for the DANSKIN. I am sooooo excited and nervous. I have been regularly working out. I lost 4.5 lbs, in a month. With kids being sick and the stress of my dad around. I was happy with my achievement...UNTIL.. i saw a picture of myself. Why is it? Every time i think things are going better and i am looking better, I see my self for what i am. Overweight. It Just made me want to cringe up and eat something and crawl back in my hole. I hate this feeling. I don't like myself. I don't know when it happened or how, but i don't. I have to remember my mantra... NOT HELPFUL, NOT HELPFUL. I think, no make that i know i am my own worse enemy. I will beat this once and for all. Going to try and nap.. it's gonna be a very long night. I am hoping to therablog..

Spring Break 2009

Oh how this break turned out anything but relaxing. All ready to buckle down and deal with spring, we decided to take a trip to the coast while my dad was in town. Kerman's one and only employee- got arrested and needless to say that went to hell in a hand basket. Not to mention everyone in the house got sick with a stomach bug. The baby is still not 100% as his stool are still funky.. But enough on that. So, with that said and the way that the world is working today. Kerman has decided to bite the bullet and hold off on getting another employee. What does that mean. he works 6 days a week for 12+ hrs a day. Me, i still work full-time, but i get to been home with the kids all the time. It is going to be very stressful. I am scared and nervous about it. Don't get me wrong, i love my children, it is just very hard doing EVERYTHING ( cooking, cleaning, laundry, shopping, bathing, homework, errands to name a few) and do it with a smile day in and day out. Not to mention, i don't get to see my husband except in bed at night and let's be honest after a full day who has time or energy for anything? Not me. I tend to to roll over and sleep.But i am hoping with the training for the Tri, that will help with my stress level. We will see.

My 2 year old is peeing in the potty!!

WOOOO HOOOO My little guy is sitting on his potty chair and peeing in the potty. WooHoo, maybe this will work out and we can save some money on diapers. BOO HOO, my little guy is growing up... :* (. So, what did i do? I sat him on the potty and he, all by himself held his member down and made it in the bowl. We made a big deal about it and called everyone. I sat him on the potty all day and each time he peed. I am so proud of him.

Going in many directions.. which way is the blog going???

Today, i have been paying more attention to BLOG's i have been following. People are so witty and refreshing and they seem to have it together. I guess what is in common is they have a 'thing' they specifically type about. I think i have too many. But to be honest it is they way my brain works.. I am always doing 4 things at once and thinking of the next two. As a wife, as a mother, as a nurse. I applaud people that have it together. I sure don't..

Oh my gosh...

Oh my GOSH, i figured out with the help of google and the help of the blogger below. I got a DIGG button. By the way.. i love that website. I am so lucky i don't have a desk job, I would be fired!

Okay.. starting feel SCHNAZZY.. if that is a word

So, i signed up for some new stuff today. Like i have more time on my hands. All this stuff Facebook, Blogger, DIGG, Twitter, they are making me stay up later and later. Not to mention my laptop is open on the kitchen counter all day. Oh!! the carbon foot print i am leaving the world. Please for give me. But truly, i use to be in bed by 8pm some nights, now i am up until 11pm or later. Especially the one night a week i work overnight. It's gonna kill me..but it is soooo much fun. I am just glad i graduated college. This could be very distracting. On the other side had a very good work out. Swam a ladder. 50y x2, 100x2, 200x2, 300x2 and it FELT GREAT!!! all in about 40 minutes. Plus some technique laps and kick board laps. When i came home i made dinner. I wanted to ride the Diva, but by the time i got out, there were some bolts of lightening. I was scared so i came back in and got on the computer... I logged my BODYBUGG for the last two days. I was bad. I sure i missed stuff. I wish there was an iPhone app that kept you updated as you go. SO much easier. On a therapy note, i got a compliment from my dad. It has been a long time. He told me i looked good. I know i have lost weigh, but i don't know numbers because i never got on the scale before i started. I was so scared of what it would say. I have gone from 24 to loose 20's. I bought a SPEEDO bathing suit in a 20 and it fits. My bra was a 44I, yep they make I's. to a 38 GG, still up there but shit they look like D's to me. After all this, i still can't look in the mirror naked and say.. WOW you look good. I want to, but then i get made when i see myself and realize i don't. I wish i took better care of myself and didn't let myself go all those years. It is gonna be a long haul....... I gotta go to bed. My dad is in town and he offered to watch the little guy so i can attempt a brick tomorrow. Spin class followed by a walk/run..

On Twitter Now..

Okay , so i am trying to let go of my therapy blogging and let people read it. I put the info on TWITTER. I am kinda scared. Thus far this has been a HUGE outlet for me. Be gentle.

Ugh... Spring Has Sprung and Cedar Is Here in ATX!!

OMG!! out of now where on Friday night i woke up hoarse and full of snot. I was like okay cedar is high i will take some allergy medicine and go back to sleep. It never happened. It was so frustrating. I was either dripping or gagging from lack of air. Finally, at 0230am i called into work. All day Saturday I was feeling worse and worse. I called in Saturday afternoon for Sunday. Saturday night i was up all night long. I couldn't get any sleep. My chest hurt so much from coughing. It was ridiculous. I knew i had to see the doctor. Sunday morning i woke up late, but actually on time since the clocks went ahead. My husband, who i never get to see on the weekends because i work, asked if i wanted to go to SanAntonio for the day to go check out a train museum and a train shop. I was like sure. I took some allergy medicine, puffed on the inhaler and packed up the tissues. It wasn't that bad. It was nice to hang with the kids and my husband. But on the way back I felt my chest get tight again. I was up all Sunday night hacking and uncomfortable from the burning. I even did a shot of the homemade lemoncello to help me sleep. Monday morning I called the doctor first thing. Got an appt with the PA. By this time my youngest one was coughing too. I made an appt for him to at the pediatricians office. I went to the doctor's office saw the PA, i explained to her, i get this every year. I need a Z pac. She says it is most likely viral and you don't need a z pact. I was like i work in an ICU, i have little kids i need a z pack, i get this every year. She gave it to me and told me to wait until Friday. Bullshit i took one as soon as i got home. I really didn't do anything the rest of the day. She told me i needed rest and sleep.. yah..easier said then done. SO i woke up Tuesday feeling a little better. Hacking up tons still. Clean the house like a banshee and went to pick my dad up at the airport. He tells me...you look good... i was so excited. But it also made me feel guilty because i haven't been working out since Friday. When i got sick. I know, i know...but i got stupid head and panicked and made a big deal in my head. SO this afternoon i walked hard for 30 minutes and worked on the ball for my core. I felt better and had a good sweat. I will post pics from the train show and the train museum soon. I am going to try and be a better blogger it's good for the soul... it really is. i feel better now.