what a furious month

I's stuck in a rut again. Making bad choices and not exercising. I am stuck in the wheel on self hate. I need help to get out. I need therapy. I think i am cyclic. It always happens around this time. When i look back at the year and forget what i wanted to accomplish and what i did and focus on what i didn't do. I can't walk past a mirror without self disgust, self hate and self despise. How did i become this? Who is responsible? Why me and not her? I need to look inside for my inner strength and peace again. i have to find it soon. I am gonna crash.