NDQI survey-- got my results back

Oh if today was a day to quit!!! I should have turned and walked away while i had the chance to. I busted my ass helping the unit and what i get in return- SURVEY RESULTS THAT SUCK. of course i took it to heart. I feel sick to my stomach. More frustrated then ever. And not wanting to go back. I have had enough of everything right now. I need a serious break from these people that just drain me. The ones that complain non stop, the ones that whine about everything, claim the do everything and do nothing.

It was embarrassing today to care for a patient after a nurse i hired. A nurse i gave a  chance to. Every chance i give him, he throw a ball of disappointment right back in my face. Week in and week out. I am frustrated beyond belief. 

I am frustrated with everything i have still to do and nothing i can get done. It is getting harder and harder. Don't know if i have it in me to do this anymore.

yeeowwza what a horrible last 24 hours.

Monday i was spent after a long weekend of working out long and hard in the gym Back to back spin classes followed by some weight training. I was exhausted. Tuesday, i headed downtown, got a coffee and started to get nauseated.  I thought it was the coffee on an empty stomach. As the day went on and i answered emails at lunch, my stomach was getting worse by the minute. I ended up walking out of the class 4 times to throw up and sit on the pot. It was nuts. I came home crawled in to bed and froze my ass off with PJ's, fleece and socks on. I took a zofran and my stomach stopped flipping but the spout on the bottom end was still open. This morning i took another zofran, still feeling weak, i stayed home. I went to Sam's club to pick up some stuff came home and sat in front of the computer. I still feel like i got hit by  a truck. I am exhausted. Next week, i am going to sit down and decide my plan for my half marathon and sprint tri this summer.

The last month

It has been absolutely surreal in some aspects. I think of my mom everyday. I miss her. I haven't cried that much. I had a moment when I was shopping wanted to ask her something and she wasn't there. I started to think about all the things I forgot to ask and tell her. I am still waiting for a sign. The funeral was good. Opened up another can of worms when I went home. So weird to be in the house without her there. Sad part her ashes are there while everyone is everywhere else. Christmas is going to be a challenge I know. I am just keeping focused and busy. We joined a different gym. Feeling disloyal to the YMCA but I need the next level. Looking forward to the new year.