After a 5 year battle with breast cancer, my mom went peacefully in her sleep yesterday morning. It was hard to watch, but nothing like she was going through i am sure. The last few days she was in stupor. She was either out of it or she was in pain, moaning and crying. I felt hopeless as some points, felt like i was medicating her too much because of her pain. I wonder if she was out of it because of all the meds she got. She always told me she wanted to be be very comfortable. i hope that is what she got. I am scared that the suppository she got for her fever was what did her in. She died about 30 minutes after she got it. I did get to read her the prayer that i got from the priest. But i wonder if she made it to heaven even if she didn't go to church. i so badly want a sign from her to know she is okay. what is a sign? how will i know it's her? My heart is heavy and sad. i am in disbelief. i am scared to sleep. I can't imagine my dad and how he feels. Cancer sucks especially when it takes who you love most. I can't even bring myself to look at stuff she had written. I urgently parted with her things in fear i would not beable to rid them latter on and end up like a hoarder on TV. My mom was such a great person, she drove me crazy but she loved us in her own way. i am who i am today because of what she did for me everyday of her life. She cried that she was sorry, sorry for what i have no idea, what we did at the end was the least i could do for her. I feel better knowing i was with her and she was here instead of ny. i just wish it was sooner..
I love you mom and miss you so much.
